Texas Two-Step (Part II): Joey Does Dallas

Howdy y'all! This is your fav'rit Studious Metsimus blogger/culinary expert Joey Beartran, reporting for duty. In today's episode, I will recap my just-completed trip to Texas to see the Mets play the Rangers, where our boys in blue and orange took two out of three from the defending American League champions.

As a respected blogger, I expected the Rangers to roll out the red carpet for me upon my arrival in Arlington. I got nothing. No red carpet. Not even a wet towel to combat the oppressive triple digit temperatures. I wasn't even allowed in the press room because they didn't believe me when I said I accidentally lost my media credentials somewhere between our trip to In-N-Out Burger and Sonic. (I must have confused it for a napkin.) The closest I got to the press room was the Media Only sign outside the ballpark.



So I had to sit in the ballpark with the fans. No big deal. I could handle not being in an air-conditioned press box. Plus, it would give me the opportunity to walk around the stadium and try out the ballpark fare at their concession stands.

My first stop was at the bacon dog stand. You read that right. It's a stand that sells hot dogs wrapped in bacon. Unfortunately, I was disappointed with what I expected to be a Texas delicacy. I mean, I like bacon and I like hot dogs. Then again, I like chicken nachos and I like cannolis, but I wouldn't eat them together. That's what the bacon dogs were like. Two fine meats in and of themselves, but one big disappointment when combined on a bun.

Such a promising concept, but I wish it had been bacon AND a hot dog instead on bacon ON a hot dog.

By the time I had donated the rest of my bacon dog to the pigeon that had that "I'm going to poop on you if you don't share your meal with me" look in its eyes, the Mets had already taken a 3-0 lead on the Rangers. Considering the Mets had only scored one run in the opener of the series, putting up a three-spot in the first inning gave me hope that this game would be different.

I was all set to watch Jon Niese take the mound in the bottom of the first inning to protect the lead his teammates had provided for him when something unexpected happened. Something grabbed my attention and wouldn't let it go, no matter how intent I was on watching the game.

It was the nacho stand.

Can you get burritos at Citi Field? I think not!

This was Tex-Mex heaven! In addition to quesadillas and fajita salads, you could also build your own burrito. The vendors handed out a piece of paper, which the patron would fill out detailing exactly what ingredients were to be added to their burrito, salad, nachos, etc.

Of course, I had to try their chicken taco salad in a crispy tortilla bowl. This was not the bacon dog. This was bliss in a bowl. My sister, Iggy, who also made the trip to Texas, shared the salad (and souvenir soda) with me. After eating it, we wished we had ordered one for each of us. It was that good!

What was in our chicken taco salad? The better question might be, what WASN'T in it? Yum!

After consuming the salad, we made our way back to our seats, at which time we noticed that the Mets now had a 6-0 lead. Jonathon Niese, who was unaccustomed to the excessive temperatures, was cruising, while his mound opponent, Alexi Ogando, (7-2, 2.66 ERA and a leading candidate for American League Rookie of the Year) wilted in the Texas heat.

The Mets failed to score in the fourth and fifth frames, so I thought it would be a good time to check out other aspects of the ballpark. We checked out the Mets' bullpen (see first photo below), the seats behind home plate (see middle photo below) and then...well...you know...



After our break with the garlic fries, we walked over to the center field area, where we noticed a giant statue of a man tipping his cap. Upon further inspection, we noticed that it was a statue dedicated to the only Texas Ranger player to have his number retired by the team, Nolan Ryan. (Former manager Johnny Oates is the only other former Ranger to have his number retired, despite the fact that Bobby Valentine is the all-time winningest manager in Ranger history. Yes, the same Bobby Valentine that managed the Mets to the World Series in 2000.)

Of course, as a Mets fan who was born at Shea Stadium, (okay, so technically I was purchased by my colleague in the Mets Team Store behind home plate at Shea in 2004, but for argument's sake, let's just say I was "born" there, ya dig?) I noticed the similarities between the Rangers and the Mets with regards to retired numbers. Both teams have retired only one player's number (Seaver's No. 41 for New York and Ryan's No. 34 for Texas), both teams have retired the number of the manager who led them to their first division title (Hodges' No. 14 for the Mets and Oates' No. 26 for the Rangers) and both have failed to bestow the same honor to Bobby Valentine.

While I was pondering those similarities, I noticed that Iggy had climbed onto Nolan Ryan's glove, so before any Rangers fans could cry sacrilege, I followed her in an effort to get her to come down. Of course, a roving photographer caught us on his glove and snapped the photo below.

Even in the middle of Texas, the paparazzi never rests.

Needless to say, we needed a place to hide before a lynch mob treated us like Frankenstein's monster for sitting on their beloved Nolan Ryan's statue. We tried to get into the Mets' bullpen, but were turned aside. We tried going back to the Tex-Mex stand, but there were too many people standing in line who might recognize us.

It got to the point where we thought everyone was after us. Every Rangers fan on their cell phone appeared to be calling the police in our minds. If I'm not mistaken, I think I overheard one of the fans talking about calling Chuck Norris so he could arrest us, before a fellow fan reminded him that Norris wasn't a real lawman. He only played one on TV.

Chuck Norris Fact: His badge will be retired alongside Nolan Ryan and Johnny Oates' number.

Running out of places to hide, we tried one last time to get into the press box. We circled the area on the second level behind home plate when we were spotted. Fortunately, it wasn't El Rangerdoro (a Lucha Libre wrestler who didn't take kindly to Mets fans on his turf) doing the spotting. A hand reached out from up above and we heard a familiar voice who offered to bring us into the Mets' radio booth, where we'd be safe from television-obsessed fans and masked wrestlers. Who was this kind soul who shielded us in our time of need?

It was none other than longtime Mets' radio play-by-play man, Howie Rose.

Thank you, Howie! You saved us from angry Rangers fans and finally got us into the broadcast booth!

Right after the save by Howie Rose, everything turned for the better. The Mets scored eight more times (finishing the game with a season-high 14 runs) and we were able to escape with a victory and our lives.

We did not attend the final game of the series the following afternoon, an 8-5 victory by the Mets. Our Studious Metsimus colleague will say it was because we had to take a flight home, but if you saw the reactions of El Rangerdoro and the other members of the Church of Nolan Ryan after we sat on their savior's statue, you'd want to get out of Dodge as soon as possible, too.

Our stay in the Dallas area was memorable for many reasons. It was memorable for the variety of food we sampled. (Bacon dogs - bleccchhh, garlic fries - acceptable, chicken taco salad - nom nom nom!) It was memorable for all the crooked numbers the Mets put up on the scoreboard in taking the series from the Rangers. And it was memorable because we went to Texas and became outlaws for a day, even though that wasn't part of the original plan.

I am glad we're back home, though. After all, I don't think Iggy and I were going to fool native Texans much longer with the disguises we put on in order to blend in with the crowd. Well, maybe we could have fooled that Chuck Norris fan...

Joey's Small Bites: We'll Be On The Field Tonight During Batting Practice!

Happy Memorial Day, everyone! This is Joey Beartran, along with my sister Iggy Beartran. We're here to share some great news with you! If you have tickets to tonight's Mets game against the Pittsburgh Pirates, please remember to arrive early, because we're going to be on the field (along with Studious Metsimus colleague and correspondent, Ed Leyro and Taryn Cooper, respectively) during batting practice.

We'll have our gloves ready, as we'll be shagging fly balls hit by all of your fav'rit Mets and all of your fav'rit no-names on the Pirates.

Are you ready for some baseball? We are!

Of course, we won't be allowed to run all over the field. We'll be near the left field corner in front of the Great Wall of Flushing. In fact, there are many rules and regulations we'll have to follow if we want to stay on the field during the entirety of batting practice.

For example, we can bring one sealed water bottle onto the field (20 oz. or less). However, we're not allowed to bring chicken nachos or any other type of food onto the field, even though the chicken nacho stand is literally a few feet away in the left field corner. Hello? We need food to give us the strength to run down fly balls on the warning track. Not only that, what else are we going to wash down our water with? Cotton candy? (Surprisingly enough, I'm not too fond of cotton candy.)

The no food policy is just one of many guidelines we'll have to follow when we're on the field. Below you will see us holding up the sheet of rules and regulations that was sent to us. If that's too small for you to read (after all, you may have the eyesight of umpire Angel Hernandez), then to the right, you can click on the photo to enlarge the sheet with the rules and guidelines.



Now I can understand the fact that we have to sign a waiver before entering the field (Rule #1). After all, if we get hit on the head by a fly ball, we might not remember our names, where we live or where Shake Shack is. But what about the rule where we can't steal dirt from the warning track (Rule #9)? Didn't the Marlins steal dirt from Shea Stadium after they defeated the Mets in the final game of the 2008 season (otherwise known as the "Shea Goodbye" game)? They didn't heed the fans' calls of "off the field" and they did harm to the Mets by defeating them in a game they needed to win to force a one-game playoff against the Milwaukee Brewers for the wild card berth. Why is it okay for the Marlins to steal dirt from the field but not acceptable for the paying customers to do the same?

What about the "no sliding or diving" rule (Rule #4) or the "no feet or bodies on the wall" rule (Rule #7)? Didn't we have to sign a waiver before entering the field? So if we get hurt while sliding or diving, that was our decision. Also, if we bang our heads or get our feet caught on the wall trying to make a play, again, it's our own fault. The Mets wouldn't be held responsible for any of our injuries because of that waiver. Then again, with all the injuries that have befallen the Mets since they moved into Citi Field, perhaps they're just expecting some of us to get hurt. Anyway, I don't need to slide or dive on the field. I already did that last year and didn't get caught. And Iggy is 100% healthy after hanging out (literally) at the 378 foot sign in right field earlier this year.



Um, about Rule #3, the "no spikes or heels" rule. Why would anyone be wearing heels or spikes to a ballgame anyway? Are there kids going to their senior prom after the game? Is Ty Cobb at the game? Probably not. So why would anyone wear either of those on their feet?

Of course, there's always a chance Gene Simmons might show up in full makeup. Perhaps that rule is specifically for him. But could you imagine the blood-spewing bassist for KISS showing up in his battle armor and wearing Chuck Taylor Converse All-Star sneakers? Then again, he could probably get away with wearing Chuck Taylor knee-high sneaker boots...



So that's all I have to get off my chest for today. We'll be at Citi Field at 4:00pm today to take the field for batting practice prior to the Mets game against the Pittsburgh Pirates. We'll be on the field near the left field corner for a few hours before first pitch. If you show up early, feel free to bring your camera to take pictures of us. Just please don't call our names or say "use two paws" as we're getting ready to catch a fly ball. We'd rather not hear the Mets' staff tell us "see, that's why we made you sign the waiver".

Have a great day watching the game, either at Citi Field or in the comfort of your own homes. We'll try to bring back a ball (and a victory) for you!

Joey's Small Bites: Everything's Bigger In Texas, Like Mets' Comebacks

So last night I was settling in with some cupcakes and the remote control (and my sister Iggy), hoping to see the Mets try to continue their winning streak against the Houston Astros. The Astros, who own of the worst record in the National League, had somehow taken two out of three games from the Mets in April at Citi Field, something that this Mets fan had not forgotten. Dillon Gee was starting for New York against Bud Norris, and I was expecting the Mets to do well against Norris. Well, they didn't. But that doesn't mean the end result wasn't good.

For the first six innings, the Mets' bats were silent against Norris, as the Astros' starter faced two batters above the minimum. But Gee was matching Norris pitch for pitch, and the score was only 1-0 in favor of the Astros as they came to bat in the bottom of the sixth.

Then I had an "Oh, $#!+" moment. No, I didn't do anything wrong. I just had to go to the bathroom. (Those cupcakes were doing the loop-de-loop in my tummy.) Of course, once I returned from the loo, the Astros had taken it to Gee, scoring three runs off the rookie. That's when I had another "Oh, $#!+" moment, but this was directed more at the Mets. It could have been a lot worse (the game, not my bowel movements), but Pat Misch induced an inning-ending double play to keep the score at 4-0.

In the seventh inning, Norris continued to roll, striking out David K. Wright and Carlos Beltran to start the frame. As I watching this, all I could think of was that we were allowing a guy named Bud to toy with us. I mean, when I think of Bud, this is what I think of...

Bud Harrelson and his "bud" Pete Rose, Bud (a.k.a. Kenny) from the Cosby Show, Bud from the Budweiser ads.

This was Bud Norris, who had won all of 17 games in his three-year career and "boasted" a career 4.55 ERA and 1.44 WHIP, numbers that were eerily similar to what Victor Zambrano posted during his three-year stint with the Mets (10 wins, 4.42 ERA, 1.49 WHIP). In other words, WE SHOULD BE HITTING THIS GUY!!!

Well, they must have noticed that I was using caps because with one swing of the bat, the Mets were no longer bound by Bud, as Jason Bay hit his eighth career home run as a Met, cutting the Mets' deficit to 4-1. That set things in motion for what was to follow.

Pat Misch pitched a one-two-three inning in the bottom of the seventh. Then the Mets' bats woke up from their lumber slumber in the top of the eighth, as Fernando Martinez hit a two-run homer into the second deck in right field to make it a one-run game. Jose Reyes followed F-Mart's blast by getting Norris to walk him. That was enough for Astros' manager Brad Mills, as he closed his tab, having his fill of Bud for the night. In came Jeff Fulchino, a 31-year-old with only 160 innings pitched in the majors. That should say it all.

David K. Wright legally changed his middle initial to H.R., taking Fulchino deep into the Crawford seats, completing the Mets' comeback and giving them a 5-4 lead. The Mets then scored an insurance run in the ninth inning and K-Rod held on to the lead to record his 11th consecutive save.

The Mets had rallied from a four-run seventh inning deficit to defeat the Astros 6-4, causing my sister to celebrate with her special Mets pom poms.

With the victory, the Mets improved to 10-9 on the road this season, which is Amazin' considering that for the past two seasons, the road was where winning streaks went to die. (The Mets were 61-101 away from Citi Field over the past two seasons.)

Later this afternoon, the Mets will try to extend their winning streak to four when R.A. Dickey takes the mound against J.A. Happ in an all-initial affair. Should the Mets win, they will have taken their fourth series on the road, matching last season's total before Memorial Day.

They say everything's bigger in Texas. I can see why. Last night, the Mets proved that comebacks are bigger in Texas. Hopefully, by this evening, the Mets' winning streak can also get bigger. I'll eat to that!